Personals

This Little Light

I am writing because I need to write. I realize it’s important for me to write. It’s important to get whatever is on my chest, off of it and release it into the world. It’s important because when you constantly suppress yourself, you begin to question things.

I question myself. I question how good I am, how sharp I am, how smart I am, how good my ideas are. I love ideas, I love to have them and I love to share them. I love to take them and make them into something that others can enjoy. I love to grow and to learn with and around others. What do you do when you’re around others who don’t want to hear you though? And not just listen to you, but hear you?

Sure, people listen. You say things and people reply. You ask things and people respond. But do they hear you? Do you feel like your thoughts, hopes, dreams and perspectives land on people? Do they land on people who can help you make them a reality? Do they impact the souls around you?

It’s important to feel important. Not in that way where you’re a superstar and people fawn over you and lay palm leaves before your feet as you pass by them in the street. But it’s important to feel as though you matter. And not only matter by virtue of existing, or euphemistically in the sense that you are valuable because life in and of itself is valuable, but because you are who you are. Because you are valuable. Full stop.

For a while now, I have been wrestling with my voice. What is my voice, what is it I’m trying to say in the world? And I realize that, it’s not what I want to say, it’s what I want to learn. It’s what I want to learn about all types of people. It’s what I want to learn about their experiences, and I know I can’t be the only one who wants to learn about those things either. I care about people’s motivations. I care about the ‘why’ behind the what. And that’s what I need to lean into: my curiosities. Not only by accepting that I have them, but seeing where they take me. Letting them influence and dictate what I deem as relevant to express and share. I need to see how following my passions authentically and fervently helps me to accomplish the core of what I hope to achieve, which is making a difference in peoples lives.

There’s a light that burns inside of me. Sometimes I’ve let it be hushed, and sometimes I’ve hushed it myself. I’ve cowered in self-doubt, fear, and feelings of inadequacy far more often that I should have ever allowed myself to. But the only person I hurt when I do that is myself, and I prevent my passion from burning its brightest. I believe in telling stories, and I believe in the universality of curiosity. I care about human experience, about drives and motivations, and I care about how things in the world affect the former.

When I chose the name ‘Ashley Observes’ for my blog, I wasn’t fully sure about what that meant. But now I understand. I like to lift up the pothole cover and peer at what’s underneath. I like to dwell on the profound behind the obvious. I believe in giving the benefit of the doubt. And I believe, now more than ever, in the power of me. I don’t want to be tame or quiet anymore. And I don’t want to wait any longer. I know that I come and go on this blog, but it’s mine, and it’s always here to pick back up when I’m ready to give it my love and care. It has been a safe place to sound my thoughts and also to reignite my passions when they fizzle. And since this has always acted as my home base, this is where I shall begin. If I want to get back on the horse of consistently creating content, it has to start here. Most importantly, it has to start with me and it has to start now.

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